The short answer
To tour a care home well, do four things: verify the license before you go, visit at a real moment like late morning or a mealtime rather than a scheduled quiet hour, use your senses in the first five minutes before anyone starts talking, and ask the specific questions below about staffing overnight, medication handling, what happens when your parent's needs change, and what the rate does and does not include. Then go back a second time, unannounced if you can. A good adult family home will welcome that. A home that flinches at it has told you something.
I should say where I sit. My family runs an adult family home in Lynnwood, so I have been on the other side of a lot of these tours. I have also watched families tour our home and never once ask the two questions that actually matter. That is not their fault - nobody hands you a checklist for this. So here is ours, free and ungated. Some competitors put a version of this behind an email form. We would rather you just have it.
Before you go: three things to do first
Fifteen minutes of prep changes what the tour is worth.
- Verify the license yourself. Every adult family home in Washington is licensed and inspected by the Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS) through its Aging and Long-Term Support Administration. DSHS publishes each home's current license status and its inspection and enforcement history. Look the home up on the DSHS public lookup before you drive out. If a home is not currently licensed, nothing else on this page matters.
- Write down your parent's actual needs. Not "she needs some help" - be specific. Can she transfer from bed to chair on her own? Does she wander at night? How many medications, and does anyone need to be watching whether she takes them? Is there a diagnosis of dementia? Bring the list. It turns a vague tour into a real conversation.
- Know what you can pay, and how. Private pay, Medicaid (in Washington that is Apple Health, often through a pathway like the COPES waiver), or private pay now and Apple Health later. That last one matters more than families realize - see the money section below.
Look the home up on the DSHS registry before the tour. It takes two minutes, it is free, and it is the single piece of information no sales conversation will give you.
When to visit - and why the hour matters
Homes will usually offer you a time. Ask for a different one. Not to be difficult, but because the hour you visit decides what you get to see.
Ask to come at a mealtime, or late afternoon. Mealtimes show you the food, whether residents eat together, whether someone helps the people who need help, and whether the room has any life in it. Late afternoon shows you the hardest part of the day for many people with dementia - what practitioners often call sundowning. A home that handles 4pm well is a home that has its act together.
Avoid the scheduled-quiet-hour tour. If every visit is offered at 10am on a weekday when residents are napping and the house has just been cleaned, you are being shown a staged version. Any decent provider understands why you would want to see a normal moment.
The first five minutes: what to notice before anyone speaks
Your senses will tell you more than the tour script does. Before you start asking questions, just stand there and pay attention.
- What does it smell like? A home should smell like a home - cooking, laundry, maybe a little of both. A strong smell of urine is a staffing problem. So is a heavy floral or chemical cover-up smell.
- What does it sound like? Television in every room and no human voices is a bad sign. Conversation, kitchen noise, and music are good ones.
- How do the residents look? Are they dressed, groomed, hair done, wearing their own clothes? Are they up and in shared space, or is everyone parked in front of a screen? Do they look at you when you walk in?
- Does anyone greet the residents by name in front of you? Watch whether the caregiver touches a shoulder, uses a first name, gets a response. That is the whole ballgame in a six-bed home.
- Is the caregiver comfortable being interrupted? If your questions clearly annoy them, imagine being a resident who needs something at an inconvenient time.
The complete tour checklist
Take this on your phone. You do not need to get through all of it - but the money and care sections are the ones families most often skip and most often regret skipping.
The house itself
- Is the room your parent would actually get available to see - not "one like it"?
- Is it a private or shared room, and if shared, who is the roommate?
- Can your parent bring their own furniture, photos, bedding?
- Grab bars in the bathroom, a shower your parent can actually get into, a call system or a way to get help at night?
- Are hallways and doorways wide enough for a walker or wheelchair - today and in two years?
- Stairs anywhere on the path between the bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen?
- Is there outdoor space, and do residents actually get taken out into it?
- Is the house secured if your parent is at risk of wandering, and how?
- Bathroom-to-resident ratio - how many people share one?
The people
- Who is awake overnight, and are they awake or asleep on-site? Ask it plainly - the answers differ, and both are legal arrangements in different circumstances.
- How many caregivers are on during the day? In a six-bed home, the number is small - you want the real one.
- Does the provider live on-site or nearby?
- How long have the current caregivers worked here? High turnover in a small home is felt by residents immediately.
- What languages are spoken? For many Washington families this is the difference between a placement and a home.
- Who covers when someone calls in sick?
- What training do caregivers have for your parent's specific condition - dementia, diabetes, transfers, hospice?
The care
- How are medications stored, given, and recorded? Ask to see how it is documented.
- What happens if your parent falls at 2am? Walk them through the actual sequence.
- Which doctors, nurses, or hospice agencies already come to the house?
- What would make you ask my parent to leave? This is the most important question on this page. Every home has a ceiling of care. Find out where it is before you move in, not during a crisis.
- Can your parent age in place here through increasing needs, including hospice at the end of life?
- How do they handle behavior that is hard - calling out, refusing care, leaving the house?
- How and how often will they communicate with you? What triggers a phone call?
Food and daily life
- Who cooks, and is it made in this kitchen?
- Can they accommodate your parent's diet, culture, and preferences?
- What does a normal day look like, hour by hour?
- What do residents actually do between meals?
- Can family visit any time, or are there set hours? Can you take your parent out?
Money and paperwork
This is where families get hurt, so be direct. There is no rudeness in asking clearly about money.
- What is the monthly rate for the level of care my parent actually needs - not the base rate?
- What exactly is included, and what is billed separately? Incontinence supplies, transportation, hairdressing, and extra hands-on care are common add-ons.
- What causes the rate to go up, and how much notice do I get? Get this in writing.
- Is there a deposit or move-in fee, and is any of it refundable?
- Do you accept Medicaid / Apple Health? A home being licensed does not mean it takes Medicaid.
- If my parent starts as private pay and later qualifies for Apple Health, can they stay? Ask it now. Some homes keep residents through that transition and some do not, and finding out two years in is devastating.
- What are the terms if we leave, or if you ask us to leave - how much notice on each side?
- Can I take the admission agreement home and read it before signing? The answer should be yes, without hesitation.
"What would make you ask my parent to leave?" and "If we start private pay and later move to Apple Health, can they stay?" Ask both on every tour. The answers separate homes far better than anything on the walls.
The questions that get real answers
Open questions beat yes/no questions, because yes/no questions have an obvious right answer and everyone gives it. Compare:
| Instead of asking | Ask this |
|---|---|
| Do you have enough staff? | Who exactly is here right now, and who was here at 3am last night? |
| Do you handle dementia? | Tell me about a resident here with dementia and how a hard afternoon goes. |
| Is the food good? | What was served yesterday, and who ate with the residents? |
| Do you take Medicaid? | If my mother's money runs out in two years, what happens to her? |
| Are there activities? | What did residents do yesterday afternoon? |
And one more, at the very end, to the provider: "Would you place your own mother here?" Watch the pause more than the answer.
Red flags worth walking away from
- You are not allowed to see the actual room, or not allowed past the living room.
- You cannot visit outside a narrow scheduled window, or an unannounced second visit is discouraged.
- The provider will not put the rate, what it includes, or the rate-increase terms in writing.
- Pressure to sign or pay a deposit today to "hold the bed."
- Residents look unkempt, or nobody is out of bed in the middle of the day.
- Staff cannot answer who is awake overnight.
- Vague, shifting answers about what happens when care needs increase.
- The home's DSHS record shows recent serious enforcement and the provider will not discuss it. Everyone can have a citation; the tell is whether they talk about it straight.
Not a robot, not a sales floor.
Want someone to help you compare what you saw?
Tell us a little about your situation. A real person on our team will help you weigh the homes you toured and find licensed ones that actually fit. It is free, and we never sell your information.
Takes two minutes. You will talk to a person, not a call center. We never sell your information.
After the tour: how to actually decide
Write your notes in the car, before you drive away. Impressions blur fast, and after three tours they blur together completely.
- Score the same things for every home. Use the sections above so you are comparing like for like instead of comparing how much you liked each provider.
- Go back a second time, unannounced, at a different hour. This is the highest-value thing on this entire page. A home that is good at 11am on Tuesday and good at 5pm on Saturday is genuinely good.
- Ask for two family references - ideally one whose parent has more advanced needs than yours. Call them.
- Re-check the DSHS record for anything you did not understand, and ask the provider about it directly.
- Read the admission agreement at home, with the money questions above in front of you.
- Then trust the room. After all the checklists, notice whether you can picture your mother in that chair, by that window. That instinct is data too - it is just not the only data.
If you would rather not do this alone, that is reasonable. You can browse Washington's licensed adult family homes in our directory - laid out plainly, no pay-to-play ranking - or tell us about your situation and a real person will help you build a shortlist worth touring. Both are free, and we never sell your information.
The bottom line
A tour is not a sales presentation you sit through. It is an inspection you run. Verify the license first, come at a real hour, use your senses before your questions, and be direct about money and about what happens when your parent's needs grow. Then go back once more when nobody is expecting you. Do those things and you will know more about a home in two visits than most families learn in a month - and the home worth choosing will be glad you asked.
Questions families ask us
How do I tour a care home properly?
Verify the home's license on the Washington DSHS registry before you go, schedule the visit at a real moment such as a mealtime or late afternoon rather than a staged quiet hour, and spend the first five minutes using your senses - smell, sound, how residents look and are spoken to. Then ask specifically about overnight staffing, medication handling, what happens when care needs increase, and exactly what the monthly rate includes. Finish by visiting a second time, unannounced, at a different hour.
What questions should I ask when touring an adult family home?
The two most important are "What would make you ask my parent to leave?" and "If we start as private pay and later qualify for Apple Health, can my parent stay?" Beyond those, ask who is awake overnight, how medications are given and documented, what happens if your parent falls at 2am, how long the current caregivers have worked there, what the rate includes and what triggers an increase, and what a normal day looks like hour by hour.
What are red flags when touring a care home?
Not being allowed to see the actual room, discouraging unannounced visits, refusing to put the rate and rate-increase terms in writing, pressure to pay a deposit the same day, a strong urine or chemical cover-up smell, residents who are unkempt or all in bed mid-day, staff who cannot say who is awake overnight, and vague or shifting answers about what happens when care needs increase.
Should I visit an adult family home more than once?
Yes. A single scheduled tour shows you the home at its most prepared. Visit a second time at a different hour and, if you can, unannounced. A good provider will not mind. Reluctance to allow a drop-in visit is itself useful information.
How can I check whether an adult family home is licensed in Washington?
The Washington Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS), through its Aging and Long-Term Support Administration, licenses and inspects every adult family home in the state and publishes each home's license status along with its inspection and enforcement history. You can search any home on the DSHS public lookup before you tour, free of charge.
What time of day is best to tour a care home?
A mealtime or late afternoon. Mealtimes show you the food, whether residents eat together, and whether people who need help getting it. Late afternoon shows you the hardest stretch of the day for many residents with dementia. A mid-morning tour when residents are napping and the house has just been cleaned tells you the least.
Do I have to give my email to get a care home tour checklist?
Not here. The full checklist is on this page, free and ungated. Some referral companies place a tour checklist behind an email form in order to capture and sell your contact information. Dear Care Home does not sell family information, and families never pay us.